How are you?

The dreaded question. Do you answer honestly? Do you give the cursory “fine” that is technically true as you are functioning and your basic needs are met, but doesn’t properly convey the turmoil going on inside your mind? I’ll give you the candid answer today, in hopes that this vulnerable post shares something that inspires you. To sum it up, I’m 23 years old, and I’m at a point where I feel lost and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m choosing to share this, because I know that feeling lost is a common experience in this stage of life, and I’m hoping this post helps someone who is going through the same thing.

What is a Quarter Life Crisis?

Bradley University defines a quarter-life crisis as “a period of uncertainty and questioning that typically occurs when people feel trapped, uninspired and disillusioned during their mid-20s to early 30s.”

Photo by Bekka Mongeau: https://www.pexels.com/photo/white-printer-paper-22221/

How to cope with quarter-life crisis anxiety

Find Your Tools and Coping Skills 

A quarter-life crisis can have a negative impact on your mental health, from spiraling thoughts to feelings of anxiety and depression. It is important to have the skills to manage your emotions when distress is high. Check out this post for inspiration on tools and strategies that can help you cope when life feels hard.

Reframe anxiety as excitement (from The Psychology of Your 20s Podcast)

Anxiety is a very uncomfortable feeling. In her podcast, The Psychology of Your 20’s, the host, Jemma Sbeg, discusses how the symptoms of anxiety are really similar to the sensations that we associate with excitement. Think butterflies in your stomach and jittery, nervous energy. This is something I have thought about before, and Jemma made a suggestion that is useful to all of us who struggle with anxiety, which is that “you need to be excited by the feelings that anxiety gives you.” By training ourselves to reframe anxiety as excitement, we can then use it to motivate us to take action, instead of allowing it to hinder us and slow us down.

Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash

Combat catastrophizing by thinking “What if it works out?”

People who experience anxiety tend to also experience a lot of negative “what if?” thoughts and worst-case scenario thinking. In the same podcast episode, Jemma says that we can combat catastrophizing/worst-case scenario thinking by changing our mentality to “What if it works out?”

This is a powerful mindset shift for those of us who tend to worry about the future.

Recognize + Celebrate your successes

It is far too easy to get caught up in our negative thoughts. The more we focus on these negative thoughts and everything in our life that we perceive is “going wrong,” the more we are going to believe that narrative and continue to find evidence that supports it (also known as “Confirmation Bias”). 

The likelihood is that there are areas of your life that are going well. Start to pay more attention to those areas and congratulate yourself. Giving yourself the credit you deserve for your success helps to boost your self-confidence and will help you feel more capable of creating a positive outcome for your life.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Feeling lost + tips for finding your path

The overarching theme of a quarter-life crisis is feeling lost and unsure about what to do with your life. While there is no easy solution for figuring out your life path, taking time to reflect can help you find your footing and decide your next steps with a clear mind.

Journal

I’m becoming a fan of journaling. I was discussing the topic of spiraling over not knowing my life path with a friend, and she pointed out how writing down those thoughts is so powerful. And it’s true. Something about getting everything out on paper really does help you to process and slow down your mind.

Photo by Natasha Fernandez: https://www.pexels.com/photo/love-your-life-clipboard-decor-811575/

These are some questions to consider while reflecting/journaling.

What makes you happy?

Identifying what makes you happy and what you are passionate about can help you gain a better sense of self, which can help guide you forward.

What are your values?

Knowing your values is important when it comes to figuring out how to design the life that makes you happy.  Ideally, you are making your important life decisions based on these values.

Photo by Zwaddi on Unsplash

Additionally, knowing what makes you happy and what your values are can help you feel a stronger sense of purpose. Feeling that you know who you are makes you more sure of yourself, which is going to give you a solid foundation for making decisions that align with your highest self. Your highest self is the version of you that feels a sense of contentment and peace because you are living a life that you designed based on the things that are important to you.

Don’t worry too much about being realistic

This point is controversial. I debated if I wanted to include this, but I decided I did since this topic is what is at the center of my issue. I’m getting too bogged down with worrying about what is realistic and sustainable, particularly when it comes to my career and supporting myself. To the point that it is hindering my ability to take any steps forward. And while it is obviously important to be realistic when it comes to planning your future, there is also something to be said about allowing ourselves the freedom to explore different paths at this stage of life. After all, if not now, then when? I want to be very clear that I am not advocating that you throw caution to the wind and make unwise decisions without taking your future security into account. But I am suggesting that maybe it is okay to take some amount of calculated risk when it comes to exploring different career paths, living in different places, or pursuing different hobbies.

Photo by Anna Shvets: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-people-holding-hands-4672719/

Reach out for support

There is so much value in reaching out for support from those around you. Identify who you can go to for help. You never know what useful advice your friends and family can offer. And don’t forget about the power of social media for making connections. While it probably is not a good idea to share your entire life story with strangers on the internet, there is so much potential for finding support and community online, such as through blogs and social media accounts like mine! Brainstorming with other people is also a great way to come up with creative solutions that you might not have thought of on your own. 

But also know how to support yourself

As amazing as it is to get support from the people in our lives, it is also important that we know how to take care of ourselves. We need to be careful not to rely so much on our friends and family that we cause strains in our relationships. Just make sure that you are being mindful that you aren’t asking too much of your friends and family and that you are also capable of putting in the work to manage your emotions on your own. It’s good to be self-aware and to continue to give yourself that reality check.

Photo by Tim Goedhart on Unsplash

Mindfulness

One thing that is extremely helpful for calming anxiety and racing thoughts is mindfulness. When your mind starts worrying about the future, actively bring yourself back to the present moment. Some helpful ways to do this are to notice what is literally happening around you and to focus on taking deep breaths. 

Practice Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness meditation helps to keep you grounded and to calm you down. Practicing meditation can help you learn to feel more comfortable and at peace in the present moment, so you spend less time worrying about the past/future.

Gratitude

Practicing gratitude is another helpful tool to bring you out of a negative headspace. One way to do this is to keep a gratitude journal, where you write down some of the things you are grateful for every day. I like to do this at night before going to sleep. I’ve also seen people share that they do their gratitude journal in the morning, to start the day on a positive note. Both of these options are beneficial for getting you out of your head by getting you to focus on the good things happening around you.

Take life one day at a time

This is something I have been focusing on a lot lately. When someone asks how I’m doing, I have been answering by saying that I am taking things one day at a time. This is such a powerful mindset shift for anyone who feels overwhelmed by the pressure to plan out their future. How would your life look if the main focus in your life was the day in front of you?

Try to keep your focus on what is happening at the moment. It is easier said than done but is an effective strategy for managing worries.

Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

Look ahead, but don’t get too caught up in the future

It is good to plan for your future, but don’t make yourself so stressed that you are miserable in the moment.

Accept what you are feeling

Understand and accept that what you are going through is a normal stage of life.

Based on what I’ve observed from interactions with people around me and from people online, going through ups and downs and feeling like you don’t know what you are doing with your life is a common occurrence in early adulthood. While that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier, accepting what you are going through can at least provide you some relief. Acceptance is such a powerful concept. When we resist our reality, we only cause additional suffering. Accepting our reality can at least cut back on that suffering. This practice is called radical acceptance.

Understand that there is likely not one perfect solution

As convenient as it would be, the unfortunate reality is that there usually is not one perfect solution to our problems. Just keep striving to do the best you can with what you have in front of you.

Trust that there is a path for you and that things will work out

Trusting is really hard, especially when we have a hard time envisioning the future we want for ourselves. But it will help you keep working towards that future if you trust that things can and will work out. This is when you can find comfort by leaning on your higher power (whatever that looks like/means to you).

Photo by Lisa Fotios: https://www.pexels.com/photo/stay-safe-be-kind-inscription-on-stone-4021358/

Be careful not to make any drastic decisions in this headspace

Know that when you are in an emotional state, it is not a good time to make any drastic life-altering decisions. Do your best to get yourself in a calm and rational state of mind before making any important decisions.

I hope this post helps you get some clarity if you feel like you are going through a quarter-life crisis. Just remember that you are not alone in this experience.

Featured Image: Photo by Felix Mittermeier: https://www.pexels.com/photo/blue-universe-956981/